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140,517 Literary Works • 673,285 Reviews
This poem hits close to home for me. I have high-functioning autism and i know exactly what it feels like. Good job.
Oh my gosh!!! I love this poem!!! I wish I could write stuff that deep. It's almost so in depth I can't understand. I mean I think it is amazing!!! Thank you for telling me to read this poem! You are truely an amazing writer!!!! I am .... just.......I think you get it. But you need to keep writing this kind of stuff that way I can review all of it!!!
I'd take out the -
This lines a little long; it is better off without the 'Now'.
In the first line I would remove 'muted'; it will allow the poem to flow more smoothly.
Also, you used the imagery of 'tightly closed lips' in the stanza above, and I think you should change it. Maybe something like: That emit from their locked mouths.
'Tiny' just doesn't seem effective enough here. I think replacing it with 'single' would do just fine, and would give the same impression.
Overriding.
Simple and effective. Extremely effective...I also liked how you made it rhyme. That left a more lasting impression, I think. Much better imagery for the reader.
Tears like how? Crying, or to be torn? Specify this a little. For instance: It all but tears my heart in two.
Aw, vox
I don't know how you do it. I really think you've got a great way with words. You made the reader (at least me!) feel your emotion throughout the poem. I was being nit-picky, but other than those little things it was great.
*anti-pop